


Deafening Silence

by Lavieenhyuck



Category: NCT (Band), We Go Up - NCT Dream (Music Video)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Angst and Fluff, Crying, Emotional Abuse, Fear, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Self-Doubt, Slow Burn, basically a dreamies fic, dreamies, maybe at some point, renjun centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2019-10-19 19:56:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17607941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lavieenhyuck/pseuds/Lavieenhyuck
Summary: The boy has but only one wish at this very moment in time; to emerge from the thunderous waters. But glory has always been unattainable. Renjun is bound to sink, and desperately grasp for any possible chance at an escape into the sweet, crisp utopia above. Sorrow and self-doubt may as well be etched into the boy’s skin with a scorching iron rod..Chapter 1 rewritten: 08/18/19Chapter 2-4 rewritten: TBA





	1. Arrow heads do not cause concrete to crumble like that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be reworking this entire story as well as adding another chapter in the next week or so. (Possibly changing the title?) This chapter will not look the same as it did. It will have better description and further metaphor/ literary tool use. I will let you know the date of the fixes. Thanks and have a wonderful day!
> 
> Chapter 1- 08/18/19  
> Chapter2-4: TBA

Renjun was absolutely drowning in the thoughts that coat his distressed, restless psyche. At an hour as late as this one, the singer’s mattress should soak up more dreams than tears. As though the boy had fallen into white water rapids; he was desperately attempting to slip away from the turbulent nature of his environment only to be forced back under into his toxic, unpleasant addiction- one he holds near to his soul. It takes over him all at once. Quickly. Stealthily. Morbidly. He could only hear the speed of the water forcing his eardrums into his head creating overwhelming white noise, as the blood coursing through his veins does the same to the inside of his body. Renjun is surrounded by something so familiar and yet so despised that he himself cannot pinpoint the exact moment he decided to feel ambivalence. The boy has but only one wish at this very moment in time; to emerge from the thunderous waters. But glory has always been unattainable. Renjun is bound to sink, and desperately grasp for any possible chance at an escape into the sweet, crisp utopia above. Sorrow and self-doubt may as well be etched into the boy’s skin with a scorching iron rod. 

Renjun is a lenient branch that shakes its leaves into the white water river below as if allowing parts of itself to fall into ruin. 

I’ll do anything, just please don’t hit me again. 

Renjun is a rock that lets the chaos slip past its small barricade as it plants itself into the depths of the ground- allowing itself to create an unhealthy relationship with the surrounding rapids as they continually abuse it. 

Why can’t I be good enough for you?

Renjun is a piece of driftwood perhaps, one that had been abandoned and brought into an environment filled with violent tempers and unforgiving punishments- of whose it cannot evade. 

Please leave me alone, I’ve done nothing wrong.

The boy is buried under the blankets of his bright yellow bed, clutching onto his pillow as if the whiteness of his knuckles could take away the redness of his eyes. A sob bubbles its way up from his chest to his throat, but his lips refuse to let it through their barricade. Renjun’s hands have long stopped wiping the water spilling from his eyes, instead opting to sport a tear stained face. If he were to show his face to the sun, he would glow like the fresh morning dew on grass in a world of wildflowers. Beautiful flowers do not always come from beautiful places my boy, his grandmother would tell him. Renjun softens at the thought.

There were many instances in Renjun’s life where he found himself doubting how his inquisitive spirit could ever be a symbol of beauty. The boy would ask about the stars he needed to follow to find his way back home and if they shone brightly only for him. He would ask about the soil beneath his feet and why it was unforgiving but a river’s water was soft and breakable. He would ask about the sun and the moon and why it was forbidden to look at the sun; was it bad to be too bright, to be too kind? For the first time since he was a small child, he laughs at the thought of the statement rather than adorning a look of wonder; what a dangerous lie, no beauty comes from suffering. Silly boy.

Renjun’s inquisitiveness has lead him to become a target for the arrows demon’s hold. Each blow forces the boy deeper and deeper into his own mind.

The arrow of pain hits the bottoms of his feet where the shock travels up his spine and into every muscle connected to it. It drains his strength and makes the boy feel as though he is on the receiving end of a butcher’s knife; getting every limb cut off one at a time. Renjun feels the hopelessness of the very last second before the blade strikes meat: every day in the studio. There is no turning back. This is his fate. This is the shot that makes the singer want to take a chance with the bipolar waters he is accustomed to being associated with. This is the ache that makes him tremble in exhaustion at this very moment without being able to find where fear ends and sleep begins.

I want the pain to stop. No more...... no more slaps.

Renjun allows his body to spasm as a small cry escapes the barricade his trembling lips had created. Just like the rock in a river creating a barrier, he cannot stop all of his emotions. They are creatures that feed off of the horrors of his daily life. If they go hungry, the boy suffers unimaginable terrors. 

Rather than a wildflower, Renjun is like a glass rose. He reflects the new rays of morning sun that dance their way through the curtains and onto the counter where he is placed. He is a symbol of love and beauty and elegance. A child’s favourite, forbidden possession. He is fragile, breakable, delicate. He is the first item to be shattered in a game of anger, because everyone knows that pretty does not buy away the rush for ruin. 

I am not vulnerable. You don’t own me.

The arrow of agitation and apprehension hits his chest where it forces his heart to call his supply of blood back to it. The boy becomes pale at any one of his thoughts of doubt and sorrow. He must grip his pillow as though gripping a shield before a war against the Spartans in order to feel grounded. 

Breath in.

1

2

3

Breath out. Shakily. Unsure. 

1

2

3

Breath in. Tears brim his eyes, but fright convinces his mind.

1

2

3

Breath out. 

He hiccups. He clamps a hand over his mouth. He curses under his unsteady breath. 

You have failed every single time. How did you even get into this group? Pity I bet.

It was as though his teacher was sitting on the edge of his bed. Renjun can hear the voice so clearly. It is crisp, sharp and thunderous. It commands him as if it owns him, and the boy must constantly convince himself that it doesn’t. He must remind himself that the blood coursing through his veins is not meant to be lapped up by a man who does not know that gold and glory are fragile in calloused hands, but invincible in plush ones. The boy kicks his feet out to touch the end of his mattress. As expected, no one is there.

The arrow of hatred hits his stomach and immediately engulfs him in flames. It causes the butterflies in his stomach to claw at his insides, creating gaping holes the boy so desperately wants to fill. He can patch one up with determination and another with passion but darkness stains. Hatred travels through his body like ink. It coats him and allows the singer to produce a film of black on his heartstrings and over his eyes. Black is all the soul feels, and black is all the soul sees. The world around Renjun is interpreted through a piece of sinister glass.

There is only one thing I can say to myself: I hate you.

It is the hatred that causes the boy to give up. He lets the cry’s slip past his lips over and over again as he thinks about the way he hates his voice. How it breaks and squeaks like an old rusty pipe. He lets the tears spill from his eyes one after the other without making any further attempts at holding them in, as he thinks about how deranged his face looks, like a sewer rat. Renjun lets his muscles contract until he doubles over in his bed as he thinks about how tiny his frame seems, like a weakling. A child.

I hate you so much.

The bedroom door squeaks open and lets a line of light through its guard. Renjun halts. His hands clamp over his mouth as his tears continue to cascade over his knuckles like a waterfall of emotions. Jeno walks in and heads straight to his bed. Silence is of utmost importance.

Jeno would never understand why Renjun is drowning and yet engulfed in flames at the same time. The two boys hold many contrasts in both appearance and personality that are much too large to avoid. Jeno is like a pillar made of marble swirls and sweat inducing work. He is sculpted to appear as a symbol of beauty while being built to hold up legendary architecture. His atoms have seen exciting chariot races and bloody battles and yet he continues to stand. Every blow he has had to undertake has caused cracks on his surface and the occasional crumble on his side, but he has yet to disappear into a pile of rubble. Jeno is solid and strong while Renjun is fragile and vulnerable. He needs no reminders as to his inner materials. Glass shatters all at once, often on the first blow. 

He had a worse day than you and yet you’re the one whose crying. Man up.

Renjun waits until soft snores are heard from the other side of the room before he lets his hands fall into the mattress with a thud. They are soaked in black ink tears and saliva.

The boy feels numb, as though he has nothing left to give to the monsters in his head. As though the demons could fire their arrows at him and he would not feel them hit. He has accepted that his life is pitifully exhausting and that he is in need of rest. Slipping into sleep will not allow the singer to escape his toxic, unpleasant addiction, but it may allow him a pause. A suspension in time as if he is a collapsing star waiting to become a black hole. He will continue to drown in chemical explosions, knowing that reactions do not stop until they’ve used up all of their material. 

I want out of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello. I hope that this reworked chapter does justice to the plot. I added many literary tools I believe strengthen the meaning of the story.
> 
> Please let me know what you think^^


	2. Unsteady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be reworking this entire story as well as adding another chapter in the next week or so. (Possibly changing the title?) This chapter will not look the same as it did. It will have better description and further metaphor/ literary tool use. I will let you know the date of the fixes. Thanks and have a wonderful day!
> 
> Chapter 1 rewritten: 08-18-19  
> Chapter 2-4 rewritten: TBA

During a good morning, Renjun gets woken up by his alarm at least a half hour before anyone else is awake. During a good morning, Renjun opens his eyes to see the sunlight peeking through the curtains and resting on Jeno’s sleeping figure. The glow makes Jeno look like a god when mixed with his beautiful facial features. During a good morning, Renjun has the time to go for a light jog, make the members breakfast and relax on the couch with a cup of tea.

During an unsteady morning, Renjun gets woken up by Jeno lightly shaking him. During an unsteady morning, Renjun is stumbling around a busy house as quickly as possible in order to get ready for the day. During an unsteady morning, Renjun wants to slip back under the covers of his bed and never awaken again. That is... if he can fall asleep.

‘Hey, get up.’  
The voice is faint and nearly unrecognizable to Renjun’s ears. The boy feels himself getting shaken but doesn’t have the energy to stop the perpetrator. He instead groans and rolls over.

‘Renjun, wake up.’  
The voice is a little bit louder now. Renjun slowly peeks out from his bedsheets with half lidded and puffy eyes. He turns his head only to be met with his roommate’s face right up close to his.

‘We’re running late.’ Jeno says quietly. Jeno gives Renjun the most heartwarming eye smile and a light pat on the shoulder before leaving the bedside and slipping out the door. 

The realization hits Renjun. He slept past his alarm. Why did today of all days have to be the shitty day? Today is the day the dreamies are beginning to learn their new choreography for their upcoming comeback. Renjun so desperately wants today to be a wonderful day filled with excitement and anticipation. Because of his latest episode last night, all he can think about is how miserable the day will be. He doubts he will be able to sing well as his throat is still hoarse from all the crying. His dancing will also be impaired from all the trembling he had done earlier; completely tiring out his muscles, even now. 

As much as the warm confines of his bed are tempting, Renjun is too panicked to even think of resting. Worry fills his mind as he leaps out of his bed and gathers his daily necessities into his bag right away. Messy hair, pupils blown and clammy hands are a reality for the boy this morning. 

Renjun and Jeno’s room is messy yet organized. Every lotion has its place as does every shoe and every book. The variety of colours and styles of items around the room is cause for a look of unkemptness that makes Renjun uneasy at times. As the boy scrambled to gather his things he finds himself throwing sweaters off the desk to get his headphones. He knocks over a few bottles of face wash that line the window sill in order to obtain his comb. Renjun tries to think of any more things he might need but his mind is too preoccupied with panic to properly recall. His breaths become shaky as he feels himself zoning out. It seems as though this simple task has made the world thousands of times more complicated. The boy drops his bag in frustration, tears brimming his eyes as he takes a deep breath in, throwing his head back.

‘Hyung,’ A small voice comes from the door. Renjun quickly wipes his eyes with the sleeves of his shirt and turns around to face the younger boy. The older makes a genuine effort to show no signs of panic.

‘What is it Jisung.’ Renjun answers coldly; he doesn’t trust his voice nor does he have the energy to answer properly. 

‘We have 15 minutes before we leave,’ Jisung can see the unsteadiness in his hyung’s eyes. 

‘Just thought I’d let you know.’ Jisung puts his hand on the doorframe and bites his lip. He knows Renjun is going to be snappy today. On days like this, Jisung can feel the tension in the room even having said few words. Renjun emanates stress. 

‘Okay.’  
Not even a thank you in response. There’s simply no time.  
Jisung hesitates at the door frame for a moment but decides to not continue the conversation. He knows Renjun will burst if he takes time away from his precious morning routine. The younger turns away and walks to the kitchen, towards the others.

‘Renjun hyung is stressed again today.’ 

Jisung says as he approaches the others who are waiting on the couch. Jaemin looks up from his phone, he appears to be watching some sort of gaming video to pass the time.  
‘Tell me something I don’t know.’ Jaemin gets a slight nudge for that comment.

‘Jaemin-Ah, don’t act like you’re not stressed too.’ Jeno answers, causing the other to shift in his seat.  
~  
Renjun is overwhelmed to say the least. He is in the washroom, attempting to diligently apply makeup but to no avail. He has however, managed to get himself dressed in decent clothes and styled his hair to an acceptable standard. Although, to Renjun, neither of those achievements warrant a mental high five. 

‘Ah’ Renjun hisses. He’s hit his elbow on the tap while he was leaning over it. The eyebrow pencil drops into the wet sink. As the boy goes to pick up the tool, he catches his reflection in the tap. Renjun freezes at the sight; he hadn’t noticed himself much in the mirror. He looks dead behind the eyes as if he’s seen the unexplainable. The bags under his eyes are as unforgiving as his mind is on unsteady days causing his face to lose it’s youthful glow. Renjun can’t help but to think how much simpler his life would be if he hadn’t set himself up for stardom. He might have a nice, quiet job working in a coffee shop or perhaps he’d be painting advertisements into the windows of local shops. In theses alternative scenarios, the boy wouldn’t be nearly crying at a dropped eyebrow pencil. 

Renjun’s thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door. The boy immediately looks up from the tap, startled. Only when he looks in the mirror does he realize he’s trembling again.  
‘Renjun-ah we’re leaving.’ Jeno says softly from the other side of the door. He lets his hand lay flat on the wooden surface out of worry. 

‘Okay’ is the sole reply. Only this time, Renjun was unable to stop his voice from cracking.  
~  
The drive from the dorms to the studio is purposefully short. It would be an easy walk down a few streets filled with shops and restaurants, even a pool if one decided to go the longer way around. In the summer, this would be a relaxing way to start one’s day, in the winter it would be an uncomfortable and reasonably cold one. 

It’s roughly midday when the boys arrive. The immense amounts of traffic had stalled them for nearly 2 hours. Renjun has been too preoccupied to notice the van parking itself in front of the building and his manager leaving to open the doors for them. The boy had been staring blankly at the outside world as waves of sleepiness hit him. Jeno had attempted numerous times to talk to Renjun but to no avail. The singer simply shrugged him off and replaced his headphones in his ears. All he could think about was how horribly the day was going to go and all because of him. Renjun knows he will miss a few steps or won’t be able to keep up. He’ll fall over or worse, cause someone else to fall over. The boy knows he’s not the best dancer but it’s part of his job and he thinks he’s just not trying hard enough. Renjun’s a mess right now; inside and out.

Renjun can hear the manager say something from outside the van but can’t seem to process it. He’s stuck in his seat like glue; with his headphones in his ears, he can tune out the world in order to try to filter through his thoughts.  
Renjun feels a nudge from Jeno but shrugs it off and turns his head to the side. He then feels Jeno shaking him so the boy removes Jeno’s hands from himself. Renjun proceeds to plunge himself into the deep caverns of his mind when the quiet music is all of a sudden replaced with his band mates’ talking. Jeno had pulled out his headphones. 

‘Jeno, what the hell?’ Renjun says quietly as he snaps his head back to face the younger.

‘We’re here. We have to go inside now okay?’ Jeno answers Renjun calmly. He knows Renjun’s moods well; from content to down in the dumps, he’s seen them all. Even so, Jeno can not help but worry for the other, he seems off and awfully distant today. 

‘Okay.’ is replied in a short, enraged manner. Renjun gathers his things into his bag and exits the van, not sparing anyone an extra glance. 

The walk up to the studio is short and uneventful. Renjun says nothing. Feels nothing, does nothing. He barely notices when they’ve entered the practice room and turned on the lights. He doesn’t hear Chenle and Haechan walk in. He can’t recall when he got changed into his training clothes and is now just becoming aware that they’re starting to learn choreography as the instructor is standing at the front of the room.

Renjun wants to get rid of this life he has created for himself. The endless practices, the constant hair dying, and the schedules that seem to drag on and on have taken a toll on Renjun’s body.

The boy is littered in bruises, either from working too hard or not hard enough. Some marks are visible, others are not. The slaps across his face from improperly using vocal techniques have led the makeup artists to diligently apply makeup to his left cheek more than to his right. The scratches that cover the boy’s chest are always raging red from when the dance instructor grips him a little too hard. His feet are constantly sore from standing for long stretches of time, much too long for most to handle. 

Renjun knows all of the physical marks have left him with scars but what really gives him scars is the yelling; the instructors scream so loud it makes Renjun lose his grip on reality. When the dance teacher points out mistakes, he doesn’t simply point. That would be too easy. He projects his thunderous voice across the studio, so loud that you’d be afraid to make another mistake for fear of what the lightning is to the thunder. 

If it is Renjun that is being scolded, the yelling becomes white noise in his ears. All other movements that go on around him become blurred and unnoticeable. The boy doesn’t know if he wants to run away and hide or if he wants to cry; both would bring unneeded attention to himself. Renjun is frozen in place and stuck in his own mind. He sees the instructor advance towards him but is unable to move. The boy is so overwhelmed he’s shutting down. 

The other members take notice of this but are afraid to intervene as they know the consequences. Every single one of them has scratches, bruises and soreness all around their bodies. There is no need for more. 

At this point, the yelling is only getting worse as Renjun is unable to answer the instructor. The boy is almost convulsing in his spot; he looks as small and as frail as he is in this moment. The instructor lifts his hand, ready to slap Renjun for his lack of comprehension when the singer is pulled away by one of his ever so strong members.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~ I hope you liked this new chapter. 
> 
> I ‘hide’ an allusion(reference) to a song, tell me if you can find it!
> 
> Also, the Noren is coming folks, I promise you. 
> 
> Alrighty then, have yourself a wonderful day!
> 
> P.S. I am reworking this chapter and will let you know when it has been completed. Thank you.


	3. Blurry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I will be reworking this entire story as well as adding another chapter in the next week or so. (Possibly changing the title?) This chapter will not look the same as it did. It will have better description and further metaphor/ literary tool use. I will let you know the date of the fixes. Thanks and have a wonderful day!
> 
> Chapter 1 rewritten: 08-18-19  
> Chapter 2-4 rewritten: TBA

Everything is blurry. As Renjun is pulled past his fellow members, he can’t recognize a single one. The boy passes by one after the other as his legs move him towards the door. He can’t even process the colour of their shirts to take a guess. The boy cannot think either. His limbs seem out of his control. His ears are buzzing. The strong grasp on his forearm is the only thing leading him; the only thing he has to follow. 

Renjun hits the door on the way out from lack of balance although the boy cannot even tell if it’s painful or not. He feels nothing at all. He might be hearing the dance instructor yelling at him that he’s a rotten child, he might be seeing Jaemin close the door of the practice room and he might be tasting the sweat that’s rolled down from his forehead. There’s no way to be sure.

As Renjun runs down the hallway, he is lead through a series of twists and turns he never knew existed. The member who’s been leading him has been occasionally stopping at doors to see if they’re unlocked. He’s been trying the doorknobs so hard, the motion travels through to Renjun’s body too. If the boy was not shaking before, he certainly is now. 

All of a sudden, Renjun sees nothing at all. It’s dark, but not the kind of dark you see when you pass out, the kind of dark only a storage closet could muster. He’s stopped running. Renjun falls to his knees. Every muscle feels weak and his lungs feel as though they are on fire. He wonders how he got himself into this mess. The dance instructor is probably running down the halls looking for him. 

The boy knows that once he’s found, it’ll be hell. His skin will see more reds, blues and greens than his actual skin tone. He will be practicing until the sun comes up even if he has the dance learned perfectly. It’s because he’s not good enough...at anything. If the boy were a good enough idol, he wouldn’t have to run away from the hitting and the yelling. He would be praised for his determination. He wouldn’t be exhausted beyond belief every day, he would be getting enough sleep. If Renjun were a good enough idol, he wouldn’t be hiding in a storage closet, cowering in the corner while crying and shaking.

Renjun can feel himself spiralling down into his own mind. With trouble on the way, he can’t let himself. He knows that he will cry too loudly and that someone will find them. Renjun cannot bear that burden, nor can he bear any more beatings. The boy slowly looks up from his spot on the ground.

‘Jeno...’ Renjun whispers.

Jeno, who has been standing in the storage closet, was still trying to catch his breath from dragging Renjun down the halls. He had watched the boy fall to his knees, but thought nothing more of it than exhaustion. Once Renjun looked up at him, only then did he realize how panicked the boy really was. 

‘Renjun...’ Jeno says as he slowly crouches down, careful so as to not hit anything in the closet. He looks Renjun in the eyes. 

‘ We’re not going back, okay?’ 

Jeno continues. The only light illuminating the boys is from under the door, slowly seeping in to line his figure.

Renjun doesn’t answer. He can’t answer. The words are getting caught in his throat just as his bangs are stuck to his forehead. His mouth is opening and closing but no sound is coming out. Renjun wants to speak, he wants to tell Jeno that they should go back for fear of the consequences. It’s as if his body has detached itself from his mind. 

The boy begins to panic again. Why can’t he speak, say something, say anything at all. Renjun’s hands begin to tremble, causing a moving shadow from the light seeping through the door. The boy’s breathing becomes laboured and his vision goes blurry again. This time, he begins to feel sick to his stomach. 

‘Renjun, he won’t find us here. We’re safe.’ 

Jeno says as quietly as he can. All the boy can do is stare at the older. Never has he ever seen Renjun in such a hopeless state. Sure, Renjun has lashed out at him before, and cried a few times infront if the members but that is nothing compared to his current state. 

The boys eyes are red and glossy. His entire face is puffy. He is shaking and trembling and sniffling so often it looks like it physically pains him. Jeno is at a complete loss for words and yet he still tries to consol the older.

‘We’ll be okay.’ 

‘No’ Renjun manages to say.  
‘We’re not okay, we never were!’ His voice is slowly getting louder, and becoming a growing concern for Jeno.

‘What were you thinking Jeno, bringing us here! We’re gonna...’  
‘Renjun, you need to be quiet!’ Jeno whisper yells to Renjun. 

The older realizes how loud he’s gotten and slaps a hand over his mouth. When he looks Jeno in the eyes once again, the younger can see his eyes gloss over with fresh tears. What an idiot. How could he be so care free in a situation like this? They’re going to get found and he’ll get beat again. God no. No more bruises...not again.... Renjun lets a few tears roll down his face and onto his hand at the thought. Soon enough, he’s crying.

All the shock, and all the numbness from earlier dissipates. His ears no longer ring, his lungs no longer feel like fire, and his thoughts have returned to him. His body feels like his own again and yet he wished it didn’t. The boy can feel again. 

Jeno can see Renjun getting worse and worse by the second. The crying and the trembling is only becoming more violent and he doesn’t know what to do. Jeno is scared and panicked, but he can’t show it. Renjun needs him not to. But, if the boy continues to cry, they’ll surely be found. 

Renjun lets out a particularly loud hiccup in the midst of his breakdown. Jeno immediately grabs the older by the shoulders with both hands.

‘Renjun, we’ll be okay, I promise.’

Renjun looks Jeno in the eyes with his hand still clamped over his mouth as if it was glued there. Those eyes, even in the dim light, look so full of emotion, so full of worry. Jeno slides his hands down the older’s back and envelops him in a hug. As if on instinct, Renjun leans his head into the crook of Jeno’s neck. The two fit together like puzzle pieces. 

‘I’ve got you, I’m here.’ Jeno says into Renjun’s ear. 

The younger begins to stroke the older’s back as the older continues to cry. Renjun cannot help but think and get lost in his own mind. He doubts and he worries because that’s what he does best. He worries for himself and worries for his members; his family. He wraps his arms around Jeno and holds him tight. He can’t let Jeno go, because Jeno is his pillar, and his leader right now. Without him there, Renjun would fall deeply into his mind, he would be spiralling out of control. 

As Renjun begins to calm down, his sobs become more like hiccups. He’s exhausted, but so is Jeno. His muscles feel weak, like he won’t be able to stand. His eyes can hardly bear to stay open but his grip on Jeno’s shirt is just as strong as it was in the beginning. Renjun looks up from Jeno’s neck into the darkness of the storage closet, slightly illuminated from the light underneath the door. The boy swears he can hear something.

‘Jeno, I think he found us.’ Renjun murmurs. Footsteps can be heard in the distance; multiple footsteps. They’re getting closer and closer by the second. 

‘If we’re quiet they won’t find us.’ Jeno replies. He wants to believe himself, but all the noise Renjun made when he was crying would be a dead giveaway. He knows they’ll be found, but he can’t let the older fall so he lies. He lies to make himself feel as though he’s done something right for once. 

The footsteps are now accompanied by low voices. One particularly loud voice is heard, saying ‘check the doors’. Jeno’s eyes widen. He feels Renjun burry himself into his neck once again. They’re screwed. They’ll be found and that’ll be the end of Lee Jeno and Huang Renjun. Jeno shuts his eyes and burried his face into Renjun’s hair. They two boys can only hope as the hold each other but hope seems to be a rare theme in the dark storage closet. 

‘Did you try the storage closet?’  
‘No’  
‘Is it even unlocked?’  
‘Why would they lock a storage closet’  
‘Just try it dammit, we need to get out of here.’

The door swings open. Jeno and Renjun hold each other even tighter as they sit on their knees. Neither of them daring to look up.

‘Renjun. Jeno.’ says a familiar voice. Jeno dares to look up for a brief second only to lock eyes with Haechan. The rest of the members seem to be standing behind him. 

‘Get up, we don’t have much time; we gotta go.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a while....
> 
> I hope you like where I’ve gone with this. 
> 
> Let me know what you think^^
> 
> Have yourself a wonderful day~
> 
> P.S. I am reworking this chapter, and I will let you know when it is completed. Thank you.


	4. Attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be reworking this entire story as well as adding another chapter in the next week or so. (Possibly changing the title?) This chapter may not look the same as it did. I will let you know the date of the fixes. Thanks and have a wonderful day!
> 
> Chapter 1 rewritten: 08-18-19  
> Chapter 2-4 rewritten: TBA

A movement. A glimpse. A flicker of light. A shock. Almost electric but of no such intensity. It travels up from his heel to his spine with every step he takes. His lungs continue to crave oxygen between his short but strong gasps. Arms are leading the boy through twists and turns yet again as the hallways narrow; forcing the group into a single file.

‘ Where do we go now?’ Distant. Quiet. Small. It is Jisung’s voice now.

A perfectly silent pause follows save for the buzz of industrial lights. It is evident that no one wants to provide the wrong answer as it is seems it is the only type of response available.

‘The fire escape.’ Answers Haechan. Unsure. Unsteady. The only voice. 

When the footsteps begin again, the sound is like waves crashing into Renjun’s ears. An overpowering force that brings the boy back to reality; back in focus. The group is running up seemingly endless flights of stairs. Tired bodies and shaken minds trudge along against gravity even though they would all rather go down with it. 

The arm that holds Renjun; leads him, is none other than his pillar. His pillar is ever so strong, a beam that can hold up the weight of marble swirls and legendary architecture. Not a soul would ever suspect that Jeno would have much rather liked to break down in that dark, cold storage closet than hold up the weight of another. Imagination cannot take anyone to the roaring sea that is the mind of Jeno for it is hidden, barred down, and locked away with an unknown key. 

Suddenly, the pitter patter of their shoes comes to a hault as the sixth flight of stairs they’ve climbed comes to an end at a platform. The cinder block walls hold nearly fifteen flights of stairs, but no exhausted and battered body could make it that high. 

‘If we keep going any higher, we’ll reach the offices.’ Says Haechan sternly. ‘We’re stuck.’

Chenle and Jisung collapse on the floor nearly immediately. The sound shocks Renjun, which in turn shakes Jeno’s left arm. The boy had not yet taken notice to the two youngest boys. Their increasingly smaller frames, their under eye bags, and their emotionless expressions. The two sit close enough to each other to connect the expanse of their arms but nothing more, chances are they’ve been scolded for growing too close. At such a young age, they look as though they have lived a lifetime worth of events. 

‘Well if we don’t go, where else will we end up?’ Says Jaemin. A deep voice full of exasperation and complete exhaustion.

‘I don’t know, but we can’t show our faces in there, they’ll call our manager.’ Answers Haechan.

‘Then let them call. We’ll be gone before he gets there.’

‘Do you hear yourself right now Jaemin? That’s a death wish.’  
Haechan wipes the tears of exhaustion from his eyes, and runs his fingers through his hair.  
‘Besides, where would we go from there, huh? To the-‘

‘So this was your genius plan then? Run away and then say ‘I don’t know?’ We’re gonna get found and then we’ll pay for it if we don’t go to the offices! I don’t-‘

‘Would you have rathered stay in the studio? Would you have liked to practice the impossible before even learning it?’

A small side glance is given from Haechan to Renjun. The boy’s heart begins to drum against his chest.

‘Would you have liked Renjun to get slapped across the face!?’

As Haechan was fuming, Renjun stood still in shock. Was that what had happened? His heart beat has migrated from his chest to his head; it is all he can hear. The boy could not remember a thing from the events of earlier, and he certainly did not need a reminder or a clarification. Jeno has saved him from the beating of his life and now he’s holding onto the boy’s arm for dear life while feeling the beginnings of panic building up inside of him. Why can’t he ever give back?

‘Call Mark.’ Says a distant, but deep voice.

‘Jisung, he’s hardly older than us. How could he know what to do?’ Answers Chenle as he leans his head back on the wall and closes his eyes if only for a second. 

‘Please call Mark.’ Repeats Jisung, eyes shaking.

‘I’ll dial him.’ Sighs Haechan as he pulls his phone from his pocket. 

The tension in the area is as evident and dangerous as two people pulling an elastic band until it cannot stretch anymore, each end threatening to let go first. One small mistake can lead to extreme pain that all comes crashing down at once. This conversation is one to tip toe around carefully; cautiously adding input even by facial expression. 

The wait is terrifying. As the ringing continues, everyone stays still; hopeful but not too much. Haechan is the only one pacing back and forth anxiously at their last chance. 

‘Hello?’ 

Finally a voice from paradise itself. The tension of the area begins to dissipate but only so much. It is as though every ear perked up at the sudden sound and every soul lifted cautiously at the thought of safety. 

‘Yea, we’ve got a problem here, can you help us?....It’s all of Dream... yea...’

Uplifting. Intriguing. Hopeful.

‘...Do you know a way out from the offices on the 9th floor? Like a secret way where the workers can’t see... uh huh... No, we need to get to a bus or something...’

Eager. Trusting. Anticipating.

‘... yea... No, we’re doing alright, we just need to get somewhere from the offices without being seen.... Alright, thanks... yes, I’m sure... thank you, bye.’

Nerve-wracking. Worried. Restless.

The phone gets tucked back into its home in Haechan’s front pocket as the boys wait. Renjun’s breath is caught in his throat as if it could enter the atmosphere around but chooses to hold its precious spot. Fingers tremble as the boy clutches onto warm skin. It is evident that he is not the only one.

‘Mark said that if we wait until five o’clock, the workers should leave.’ Says Haechan quietly. He scratches his forehead as if stressed beyond belief; his hair falling into his eyes.

‘So, are we just going to wait then? What if Mark suspects something and calls the manager? Hyuck, we’re screwed!’ Jaemin nearly yells into Haechan’s face as he approaches the other. 

‘He won’t’ 

For the amount of leadership Haechan has taken on, he appears to be the most calm. No violent seas with unforgiving winds are present; his mind is a calm, quiet ocean that one can float upon for ages but will never find land. It is the feeling of being stranded and continuing to survive despite the grave circumstances. It is a strong contrast to Renjun who has such violence within him that he cannot think straight some times and over thinks most times. 

‘We all heard you tell him we don’t want to be seen! That’s incredibly suspicious, you can’t trust him that much!’ 

‘You know nothing of my relationship with Mark!’ 

The boy is red from his tiny ears to his crooked fingers. It is a feeling of boiling anger, and suffocating rage that have been swirling inside Haechan ever since they stopped in the middle of the staircase on the platform. Two opposing winds always have the potential to create a violent storm. Renjun can see the dark clouds approaching quickly in the distance, a force not to be reckoned with. With the singer being unsteady as he is, he can hear the white noise rising up from within him, he can feel the paralyzation of his aching muscles, and he can see his vision going blurry and weak as the colours of his surroundings swirl. It is the yelling. The thunderous voices. Renjun has never been able to cope well with such forms of anger; after all, that’s what got them all into this mess. 

‘Do you think we don’t notice how you and Mark are when you’re together?’

Jaemin’s takes on a commanding stance, as if he is a bear attempting to terrify a young deer. All eyes are going back and forth between the two.

‘We all know you trust easily Haechan! So how can we trust you!’

The room falls silent again. A look of shock paints the face of the other. His mouth opens and closes without sound. Eyebrows furrowed. Fists clenched. As red as a tomato. The boy is in disbelief at how Jaemin could have said such a thing. But, there’s a thing about anger; when you’re riled up, you never want to calm down.

‘I though we were friends Jaemin!’ 

The other scoffs at the thought.

‘How can we love you when you’re like this Donghyuck!’

‘Don’t bring us all into this Jaemin!’ Says Jeno as he steps between the two boys. It is one thing to fight and another to assume the thoughts of others. Fumes visibly exit their skin as they stare each other down. Renjun is then forced to let go of his arm. The boy doesn’t trust himself to be alone when he is as far from himself as he is today. 

‘Shut the hell up, Jeno!’ 

A crunch. A sharp pain. A scream. Down goes the pillar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~ It’s been a while!
> 
> I had no idea where to go with this story but I think I’ve figured it out.
> 
> Thank you for all the lovely comments!
> 
> Have yourself a wonderful day!
> 
> P.S. I am reworking the previous chapters in order to create a fuller image of the story that aligns with this chapter better. The plot will not change, only certain descriptions will! I am excited to post the updated chapters! Thank you.


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